SAHDscrimination: Discrimination against stay at home dads (SAHD)

Please join me in welcoming to society the newest type of discrimination (drum roll): it’s SAHDscrimination! (round of applause).

“Nine out of Ten mums who use Nurofen for Children would recommend it to a friend”. So says the ad. But what do dads say? Can’t dads use the tricky orange syringe? Don’t they have friends?

Mum-targeted advertising reflects a similar view on the street. As a SAHD I have been made to feel temporary, as if I am just holding the fort until my wife is back from lunch. I have come to accept that most people are not yet accustomed to dads as the primary parent nor can some accept that dads can perform routine tasks associated with caring for children.

On a recent family trip, I was handling the check in with the attendant and she then turned to my wife (some metres away) for the Medicare card to ID our youngest. A little offensive to presume that I couldn’t be carrying this…well I have the chemist, supermarket and Baby Bunting discount cards, and the beeper for the childcare boom gate too… How do you like them apples? In all fairness, women have been copping it for years when men are approached to pay the bill in a restaurant or tradespeople always address the male. We are probably just getting a little of our own medicine.

Another example came when I was chatting to a mum about my son’s insect bites. She suggested my wife put some cream on them. Yep, because dabbing cream on the kid’s face is something only a mum can do. Especially when she’s at work and I’m at home with the kid and the cream.

It’s also the small talk. “RDO today?” and “Playing Mr. Mum?” are typical queries that irk. First world problem, I know, but SAHDs are proud and sensitive and we don’t really want to be grouped with the traditional beer and thongs view of dads.

Others have been victims of SAHDscrimination too. At a kid’s birthday party I got chatting with a guy who was a SAHD. His baby was a bad sleeper, but this guy wasn’t allowed to participate in the local sleep school. They told him the presence of a male might be intimidating for the mums. This meant the mum, who had just returned to work, had to take leave to attend sleep school, while dad stayed at home.

There’s recognition of changing times. My wife has participated in two “new parent” groups, re-named from the old “mother’s groups”. But all the parents attending both groups have been mums, so it’s still a difficult environment for a new dad to break into. There are (rightly) several points at which people formally check on the mental health of new mothers. None of them checked in with me. Granted, women need a forum to openly discuss cracked nipples and shoe-sized haemmorhoids. Believe me, I don’t need to participate in that. But there needs to be more support for dads to establish their own parenting networks – it’s a new, life-changing and difficult time for fathers too…and who knows, we may want to talk about our nipples as well!

I am not really offended by all of this but I need a new cause so I am taking a stand against SAHDscrimination. I am capable of putting ointment on my child. I have the family Medicare card. And it’s not my day off – this is what I do. So the next time you see a Dad in the supermarket on a Tuesday morning, be gentle. Show some respect: he may even know which children’s medication to use or the lowest allergenic brand of nipple pads.

Thanks for reading

daddylonglegs

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